Jokes

Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls....

A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another  study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year..

That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud.

Almost feel like a hybrid.

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,

White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere..

By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

 

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

 

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

10 Best Answers from Caddy to Golfer

#10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?
# 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
# 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
#7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
# 6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."   
# 5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much  of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
# 4 Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
# 3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
# 2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
And the #1 best caddy comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

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Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers...

A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another  study found gol [ ... ]

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,

White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphe [ ... ]

10 Best Answers from Caddy to Golfer

#10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down [ ... ]

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Bett...

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a [ ... ]

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of t...

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest scor [ ... ]

Embarassing Medical Exams

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my s [ ... ]

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