The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan.  Today it's called the PGA Tour.

If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.

If you break 100, watch your golf.  If you break 80, watch your business.

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.

In golf, you keep your head down and follow through.  In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through.  It's a big difference.

This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend.

The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."

The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.

Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church.

The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?" 

The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."

The priest said, "And that's when you swore." 

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"

"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.